I didn't sign up for this early on because I was entirely unconvinced that I could be much help, but now I'm sleep-deprived and that makes me wild!

I've put my services (such as they are) up for auction at help_haiti.
I am offering: 500+ words of original fiction or fanfiction, or a beta read on a fic no longer than 3000 words.
Starting bid: 5 USD
You can bid here.

Best meme ever.

The "You Should Write..." Meme!
my thread here

(If you're not aware, my fanfiction journal is at planetbarcelona. Cheers! ♥)

I OWE SOMEONE A BELATED BIRTHDAY PRESENT, AND THAT SOMEONE IS hjea! (ohvienna, IT WAS TOTALLY YOUR BIRTHDAY TOO and I would love to have written you Gene/Alex, but I am not canonified enough yet! MAYBE IT WILL COME. MORE WINE. ♥) Anyway, I love both of you; please stay in my life and in my LJ forever kthxbai. :D

( What's behind this cut is in no way 2000 words of R-rated Bridget/Craig RPF. And if you never click it, you can go on believing that in comfort until the end of time and space. )

Once upon a time, roz_mcclure did a Shakespeare Balloon Poll.

And once upon another time, I was born a vicious copycat.

So here we are.

roz_mcclure: [note: all science in this is shit. because it is a balloon poll, and therefore about the most important questions of human survival, like, "who would you push out first, the loyal sidekick or the dashing antagonist?" SO THE WAY YOU PLAY IS: you vote for whoever you would throw out of the balloon, not who you want to stay in. Every few days, whoever has the most votes gets pitched over the edge and a new poll is put up with the remaining cast. JUST LIKE IN REAL LIFE!]

I was totally thinking about who would win in a fight, Rapunzel or Snow White, and then I realized: THIS SHOULD BE A FAIRY TALES BALLOON POLL.

[Poll #1366231]

I am actually really excited to write hilarious, irreverent, wildly meta, smushy fairy tale fanfiction in smirking manner of Fables. PLZ, LET'S DO THIS! (And I promise not to make it all weird and lame with Snow White and the dude.)

P.S. Check it out, leiascully, you're my title quote again. ;)

JOIN THE BATTLESTAR GALACTICA PORN BATTLE.

AND TELL ALL YOUR FRIENDS.

bsg_pornbattle bsg_pornbattle bsg_pornbattle bsg_pornbattle

quote: coffeesuperhero and leiascully
original porn battle: oxoniensis

( Dear Yuletide Author, you are my favorite author of the holiday season. )

Just have fun. Write your heart out. And thank you so much.

Love,
Nina :)
your grateful, geeky fanfic recipient

It hurts me more than it hurts you, I promise. This is just because I have a couple of new friends who may or may not know that they are welcome to friend my fic journal planetbarcelona for actually consistent updates on my fabulous fannish writing.

A summary of my offerings to xf_pornbattle:

Title: Necklace
Word Count: 614
Rating: hard R
Spoilers: none
Prompt: Mulder/Scully, gold cross
( It's a game he plays with her sometimes, more and more often once he notices what it does to her. )

Title: Silk Secrets
Word Count: 125
Rating: R
Spoilers: none
Prompt: Scully, Mulder's tie
( She's liberated one of Mulder's ties -- that's what she calls it -- because it was an ugly pattern and he wouldn't notice anyway. )

Title: Cancellations
Word Count: 154
Rating: R
Spoilers: none
Prompt: Mulder/Scully, Scully masturbation interrupted
( He knows exactly what she was doing that morning, that morning he was supposed to be away till noon. )

Title: Do Your Thing
Word Count: 188
Rating: R
Spoilers: through "The X-Files: I Want to Believe"
Prompt: Mulder/Scully, unexpected chat
( For years she feels herself slipping into his quests, shrinking smaller and smaller until she could swear his body rests against hers more heavily than it used to. )

Title: Virtual Fuck (by trolliepop & me)
Word Count: 725
Rating: R
Spoilers: none
Prompt: (crossover with The Office US) Langly/Dwight, Bears beat Battlestar Galactica
( It's a cold day in Scranton, the kind that has HP-printer grey settling over everything, when Richard Langly is chasing the bear. )

Title: Thirty-Five Thousand Feet
Word Count: 226
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: none
Prompt: Mulder/Scully, joining the Mile High Club
( She can feel the rumble of them under her toes -- what Mulder informed her are two CFM-56-3B1s, with a combined takeoff thrust of 40,000 pounds. )

Title: The Curious Assignment of Luck
Word Count: 780
Rating: NC-17
Spoilers: none
Prompt: Mulder/Scully, one lonely night
( He gets wacko sometimes, holed up in the house cutting clippings out of publications Scully would be ashamed to say she'd read. )

Unlocking for porn purposes. Welcome, new friends. Scroll down.

We did yin yoga this morning, or lots of long-holding stretches. Here is how I feel about yin yoga: A++++++++++++++. And my awesome, beautiful-voiced, unbelievably flexible yoga teacher remembered my name. Not "Nina," "Nivair," bitches. And she pronounced it right. And I haven't been in a month and a half because of film class. Basically, my yoga school wins.

Also, I finally have my downloaded seasons of The West Wing on my new hard drive. Season 1 has disappeared without a trace, apparently, so I'll have to reacquire that (darn), but I am watching The West Wing for the first time in months and it is beautiful. The good thing about a show like The West Wing is that it is incredibly high-quality and accurate and full of educational things, so you don't feel like a complete moron for holing yourself up in your apartment for hours on end devouring it. The bad thing about it, however, is that that very same quality makes it impossible to write really good porny fanfiction for the show. And with that in mind, we'll move on to The X-Files. :D

I have always wanted to be part of an EPIC PORN BATTLE ever since I realized that such things existed, and through fireworkfiasco, NOW I AM! Not that it in any way compares to the fireworkfiasco/trolliepop Team of Awesomeness, but you know. So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to toss three (or four, or five :P ) fic recommendations your way, and then pie_is_good (and anyone else who wants a try!), I challenge you. Comment and let's go.

( The NC-17 Mulder/Scully Revue, Part I )

( 13 minutes 13 seconds remaining! )

I totally rock the suspense vote. If there is a vote for suspense, I mean. I rock it.

Yeah.

I Robinified my fic journal and wrote a scene. Because I rule.

(Also: why do they always advertise Richard Armitage reading bedtime stories over at CBeebies? Richard Armitage plays Guy of Gisbourne. THE EVIL, TRAITOROUS KILLING MACHINE. There's someone you want tucking in your babies at night.)

Title: Heroes and Reality
Author: ninamazing, or Nina
Fandom: BBC's Robin Hood, 2006
Word Count: 534.
Rating: PG.
Spoilers: Through 1x10, "Peace? Off!"
Characters: Robin/Marian.
Excerpt: If she pretended not to notice the way Robin's lips tightened when she said "Sir Guy," Robin could pretend not to notice that she had noticed.
Author's Note: For jazzfic, whose writing got me watching the show in the first place, and for lily_268, for being my Jonas buddy.

( She was standing just inside the window when Robin arrived. )

Holy Mugwump, Batman: It's NINA'S LJ FANFICTION MASTERLIST.

Some of the things I've written will forever be lost to antiquity, like my fabulous collection of drunk Firefly drabbles or that random 2,000-word short story I did on Chicago for fuck's sake, but nobody wants to be bothered with memories anymore. So here it all is. (At least, after about 2004. I've been a fanfic-writing freak since '98.) Excerpts appear in italics below each link.

It occurs to me that I tend to kind of underestimate on these ratings. OH, WELL. IT'S GOOD FOR THEM. I was corrupted by fanfic as a child, and look how great I turned out to be!

Also, ff_fanfic seems to have done away with the only other Mal/Inara-ish thing I've ever done, which was that piece with all the mindfuckery that nobody read because I billed it as Mal/River/Inara and it wasn't really, it was just either Mal/River or Mal/Inara depending on how you looked at it, and I think it's pretty critical that I stop talking now. But I'd like to thank goldy_dollar for trying her valiantest to get me to write Mal/Inara, and I'd like to thank jazzfic, whatever_we_are, fireworkfiasco, and ana_sedai, for, well, BEING MY HOMEGIRLS. Really. Those were the golden days.

Doctor Who
I think planetbarcelona's doing a pretty good job keeping track of these particular shenanigans (what with the TAGS and all). Maybe I'll come back later and add them. :P They're mostly Nine/Rose and Ten/Rose, with a sprinkling of Four/Romana II to make things Old School. YEAH FOUR.

Firefly
Better than Flying (Mal/River, R, 358 words, for whatever_we_are in serenity_santa)
"Talk to me," she said, curling up in the shirt she'd just removed from him. "Tell me how it feels."

Broken Memories (Mal/River, PG-13, 1000 words, done for the picfor1000 ficathon)
For some reason her door was still open, and she looked out and wondered exactly how bad she would feel if she woke Simon up at this xiong meng de kuang ren hour, and whether that would be worse than the panic she felt now.

Corsair (Mal/Inara, PG-13, 1064 words)
It was the same dance, and no matter how old it got they clung to the steps like lifelines, because if one toe got out of place the music and the rhythm would spin out of control and there would be nothing left of normalcy.

Drifting (Mal/River, PG-13, 2380 words, for malriv_ficathon)
"Shhh," River said. "The stomach is the optimum hit point for serious warfare. Legs cannot be afforded. Arms are needed for weapons. In the stomach you will bleed and hurt but you will not die. Pain is a weakness. A small inconvenience. Death is intolerable."

Enough (Mal/River, R, 1351 words)
Mal doesn't want to cry in front of Zoe, but then he does want to, so he tries, but the tears are dry before they reach his face and he is so numb that he scrapes his face against the jagged edge of the rock to see what is wrong. When there's blood running into his eyes the dream goes black for a moment and River reaches out to grab something before it returns.

First Law (Mal/River, unrated, 125 words)
She smiled, her eyes warm. "Exchanges of heat and work are energy transfers across a system boundary."

Five Drabbles (Mal/River, PG-13ish, 348 words, for whatever_we_are in serenity_santa)
Later, with her fingers on Serenity's controls and the captain she loves to her right, she realizes she is too afraid to read his thoughts.

Good Omens (Mal/River, PG-13, 3508 words, for the shinyhearts ficathon)
"Might not be too wise to be thinkin' on such things at this hour," Mal advised, getting up to come stand behind her. He'd wanted to anchor her, but giving her the hug he'd intended suddenly didn't seem like a very good idea.

Have to Be Here (Mal/River, PG-13, 1467 words, for whatever_we_are in serenity_santa)
A smile twitched at the corner of her mouth. Mal always wondered where she found light enough to give him those little grins, but he didn't wonder too hard. Would take the magic away.

Instructions (Mal/River, PG-13, 806 words)
She had imagined him hard, hot, fast; she had pictured awkwardness and a struggle to keep up with him, a fight not to be forgotten.

Learning to Fly (Mal/River, hard PG-13, 15155 words)
Mal was all at once more afraid than he'd ever been of anything or anyone, but he wanted to dance and laugh and he was pretty gorram sure he wouldn't even need booze to do it. He held her desperately, carefully, as if she might break; his every protective instict ballooned into one when he felt her against him and realized that this was the one serenity he needed to keep forever.
Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V | Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII | Part IX | Part X | Part XI

Little Mouse (Mal/River, G to light PG, 791 words)
Mal'd be lying if he didn't say he felt a complete fool for just assuming that a girl so graceful and intuitive wasn't a trained killer.

Metal (Mal/River, PG-13 but should probably be R, 896 words)
River wished he could bring himself to touch her for longer than a minute -- wished Simon would stop throwing the captain daggers with his eyes, and wished the captain wouldn't look down when he did.

Serenity (Mal/River, PG-13, 349 words)
"You love how you stopped just a little bit of it," she told him, touching his lips like she'd never felt them before. "You did something, made a difference. Didn't have to lie back and wait a week for the surrender."

Unholy (Mal/River, PG but should probably be PG-13, 893 words)
Even when the rest of his village compatriots were making faces and kicking the backs of pews, Mal faced forward, held tight to his momma's hand. And if during the hymns, some saw a blush creep across his cheeks as he sang, well, he still sang, and Ma Reynolds told her women that little Malcolm made her prouder than his daddy ever would.

Untitled (Mal/River, unrated, 241 words)
Something in her tone made him look back, and realize she was crying.

The Lord of the Rings
At Edoras No Longer (Eowyn/Faramir, G, 99 words)
I used to run to the stables of Meduseld and tell the stallions stories as I groomed them, brushing to the tune of a ballad or whispering details of the latest exciting sword manouver I'd learned.

Below the Balcony (Eowyn/Faramir, PG, 1012 words)
Long moments passed until the soldier sighed in sleep, his anxious visage relaxing, and at this his caregivers allowed themselves a smile.

Still Would I Love You (Eowyn/Faramir, PG, 504 words)
I had loved him because I wished to be lifted above all the mean things of the earth. The mean was all I saw.

Crossovers
The Loveliest Dream (Firefly/Kill Bill, Mal/River, R because it is an extreme crackfic of doom, 2167 words)
Doesn't really tell you she's hurtin' 'fore she keens. That comment was a little artistic license on the part of the captain.

Somebody Else (Doctor Who/Firefly, Ten/Inara, R, 1743 words, for the sonic_tea ficathon of ULTIMATE AWESOME)
"I forgot how you bristle," he replied. "I just didn't peg you for an edge-of-the-universe, illegal-smuggling kind of woman. You had rooms last time. And very eager attendants with nibbles."