I caved. It's Bridget Regan's fault. I'm nivairface on Twitter, because some other fucko took my real username. Add me if you want to hang. ♥

To Jon Stewart: Please don't let this lower your opinion of me. I notice Stephen T. Colbert Twitters (quite hilariously, I might add!) and you haven't stopped associating with him. Also I won't do it during the State of the Union address. Promise. (If your security guards are mean to me again at some point, however, I will probably tweet about it. Fair warning.)

Oh, also (this one's for all of you): I will not be posting my "tweets" (sigh) to LiveJournal. At least not right now.

For all those hataz out there who said The Daily Show would no longer be the tour de force it is once we stopped having moron-lunatics in power, THINK AGAIN. It was as magnificent as ever on the day after the election. Jon Stewart, if your humorless security guards had not put the fear of God in me, I would totally have thrown you my black lace panties the day I was in your live studio audience. AND I DO NOT TOSS PANTIES WILLY-NILLY. Just putting that out there.*

And in case anyone's wondering, no, I will never stop telling you to watch The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. EVER.

P.S. I know Jon Stewart can hold his own and it is hot to watch him do so, but if any Fox News asshat ever tries to insult The Stewart around me, I will taser his nuts into oblivion.

*And thus Jon Stewart became 200% more grateful for his humorless security guards.

Okay, America: YOU'VE EARNED MY FAITH BACK.

Ladies, gentlemen, aliens, I give you the man I voted for today and the awesomest woman ever who stands by his side, along with their kids ... THE OBAMAS, THE NEW FIRST FAMILY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.



And after 8 years of hell, all is finally fucking right with the world again.

Plus, I heard it first on The Daily Show, from a man I love and admire to the utmost -- JON MOTHERFUCKING STEWART, BABY.

That speech was the best fucking thing I have ever heard from a politician, Y/Y?! WHO ELSE IS READY TO GET OUT THERE AND HELP BARACK SOLVE PROBLEMS??!!!

P.S. PRESIDENT MOTHERFUCKING OBAMA, BITCHEZZZZZZZZZ.

Okay, I'm done.

There were many, many joyous things about tonight, and the camerapeople agreed with me on some of them (did you see how they kept flicking back to Jennifer Garner? "Let's see what HER reaction is even though she hasn't been nominated for anything! She's just so FUCKING BEAUTIFUL and a SWEETHEART and a BADASS and JENNIFER FUCKING GARNER WE CAN'T HELP OURSELVES"), but mostly, here is what the main ones are:

- Ellen and Diablo are out partying right now. And when Diablo cried, I was crying too. I love her. Her movie meant so much to me; I'm so glad to see her so happy and so honored. THANK YOU, DIABLO. YOU WIN. "Diablo Cody has gone from being an exotic dancer to an Academy Award-nominatedWINNING screenwriter! I hope you're enjoying the pay cut." Ellen said to fucking Regis on the fucking red carpet show that "it is sincere and honest and genuine and it also has a sense of optimism mixed with truth." Go Ellen Page. She was so the most beautiful person there tonight. I'M EVEN COUNTING JENNIFER. Ellen had better hair.

- Jon Stewart is the most wonderful person in the world. He let Markéta Irglová speak. I was JUST complaining about that and then we got back from commercial and he was gesturing to her to speak. EVEN IF IT WASN'T HIS DECISION, WHATEVER, I still just am going to bask forever in the glory of Jon Stewart's existence. I really, really think he is perfect. <3 And I love that Jon Stewart and Steve Carell have like taken over Hollywood. It shows that even if you don't take any of the bullshit seriously you can still be the darling of the whole show. And Steve Carell's performance in Little Miss Sunshine was INCANDESCENT.

I could get mad about things or have long opinions on dresses, but I'll just do that in conversations: for now, for this journal, that's it, that's what I'm taking from tonight. Maybe that and Tilda Swinton's acceptance speech. And now it's time to eat toast.

(ELLEN AND DIABLO HELD HANDS AND MADE VICTORY FISTS TOGETHER. IT WAS WONDERFUL. I WISH I WERE THEIR FRIEND.)

(P.S.: There should be an Oscar for Hottest Woman and Sydney Tamiia Poitier should have won it. Ahem.)